New year's eve!!

Me Blonde!!!!

well, good morning and merry christmas. I just want to share that God is good--I can't begin to tell you why, or how, or if I even really truly comprehend this statement. All that I know is He is. Really. If you search you will find it to be true...
That is all.

Plans for January

Well, it's official. I am registered at UCFV for the winter semester. After really struggling with this and feeling lost and confused I have made up my mind. I'm sorry if I have let you down by not attending CBC, but I really feel in my heart that UCFV is where I am supposed to be. The thing is that I was hiding and fear was what was holding me back. I was afraid of my art and my ability to create it. You see, I have been living in constant fear of failing, as a person, failing my friends and failing my God. Life is too short to live in fear and hide. God keeps calling me ato a purpose larger than myself and it is selfish to do my own thing even when it is under the guise of Bible College. I felt like I had to follow my friends to keep them and remain accepted by them. But I know better than that, I know that isn't true. I need to glorify God and I'm not if i'm squandering talent and prentending to be happy. Sorry about the whirlwind...it has been an emotional roller coaster for me too. But now I'm settled, still scared but settled. I think that life will be good.

AHHHHHH

So overwhelmed lately!! Here is where I sit. I am registered for classes at CBC. I'm all pumped and excited for Bible College and my classes as well as seeing more of my two best friends (one of them is you Nicole). However, feel this deep sadness and loss for my art and for everything that I have worked for over the last 5 years. My dilemma, I am tired of wasting time, I want school done with so that I can move out, travel, have a life outside if the 8 dollars an hour restriction that I find myself. I don't know what to do. My heart longs to learn about my creator and the book that is left for us to find comfort and guidance in, but I also long for my art, my dreams of seeing my stuff in a gallery one day. Niether of these can be ignored. CBC, although it is a great institution, will never be able to give me an accredited degree and i will have to take out student loans and be massively in debt by the time that I am 25. My art path will give me a career, a job and at half the cost, as well as the opportunity to travel and do more schooling.
HELP!!!! God is being so silent!!
AHHHHHHHHH.......

Why I hate money...

Just the other night I was working. It was a very slow night, hardly a soul between midnight and five am. We had the occasional mid-week after bar partier but that was about it. A man came in toting a huge bag, filled with all of his earthly belongings. As he sat and took off his coat I noticed the dirt that rolled off of him and fell to the floor. Not assuming much I walked over and offered him some coffee, he accepted and I poured him a mug. "Boy I can't tell you how greatful I am for a hot drink on such a cold night", he commented. Offering a lame reply I grabbed my order pad and my pen. He looked at the menu and ordered a side of fries. I asked him if he wanted gravy or mayo to dip them in. He told me that he couldn't afford any and I politely took his menu and posted his order. As I waited for the order my boss filled me in on this particular customer. She told me that he used to be a regular, coming quite often with his wife and kids to have a great big family feast, and when you eat at Rocko's you don't get anything but. One time he came in by himself and had said that the Misses had kicked him out and that he wasn't allowed to see the kids anymore. Eventually he stopped coming all together and dropped out of mind. "I guess he lost everything in that divorce", my boss said, "Even his home". After savouring his fries and having a refill of his coffee he fell asleep. I wasn't really sure what to do, I was told that I should kick people out if they are just lingering or if they are trying to use the diner as a shelter. But something within me just filled with compassion for this man so I let him sleep. He slept for hours. Waking up every so often just to look around and make sure that he wasn't in the way of anything that I needed to do. Each time he woke up he would meet my gaze with a expression of joy and gratitude that he wasn't huddled in some back alley trying to sleep in the cold and wet. Around the time that I was finishing my shift, he came to the counter to pay. He paid for his fries and coffee and left me a tip. A twoonie. I stood there looking at the money in my hand as all of the world passed by. I couldn't believe it. I had been tipped by a homeless man...that is generosity right there. In the palm of my hand I held his ticket to a warm coffee or a shower, maybe even a meal. I wanted desprately to give it back to him. To tell him to keep it, but before I could he was gone. As I drove home I couldn't help but feel a sense of anger course through my blood. That twoonie was what separated me from him, that is all it takes in this world. He would be looked down on, stepped over and cast aside simply because he didn't have any money. And I would be respected, wanted, and loved by this world because I had some. I couldn't believe it. Nothing made me different from this man except the fact that I make 8 dollars an hour and he makes whatever he can pan handling. That sucks. I hate how materialistic we are and I hate how part of me just assumes that there is something wrong with people who live in the streets. How many times have I claimed God's love and stepped over someone huddled on the street? How often have I just averted my eyes and pretended I didn't see them? That makes me sick. I hate money because on some level it controls everyone. I just really hate it...
Communism is looking pretty good right now..

**Lord Jesus watch over that man and keep him safe. Teach me to love and teach me that all I have is yours. I can't live in two camps, God, teach me to live in yours. Everything that I have kept for myself is yours. Take my finances and show me how to be a steward. Take me on this journey and lead me step by step. I am yours.**

this morning...

At one thirty in the morning he stepped out of the cold and into the diner. Putting the mop bucket back in to it's pail I offered a cheery hello and grabbed a mug and a coffee pot. "Can I start you off with some coffee this morning, sir?" I asked placing a spoon and a napkin in front of him. "Yes please Darlin'", he replied. "Would you like to see a menu as well?" I asked as I poured his coffee. "That would be great", he smiled at me. It was one of those smiles that seem to betray your plans to keep your pain a secret and it seemed to tug at the very core of my being. I passed him a menu and told him to take his time, he was the only one in the diner. Sipping from his hot mug he began to peruse the menu. Before long I learned that his dad had passed away not eight months ago and that his dad was a baker and had had baked the cake for his wedding. Which lead to the real reason he was here. He was single again and needed a warm place to cure the sting of loneliness this particular cold night had brought. He talked about how happy he and his wife once were and the gift of life that their love had conceived and how he wished that everything could just go back to the way that it was. He spoke of his mistakes that caused the train wreck his marriage was rapidly becoming. He and his wife sought counselling and started to attend Church. It was an uphill fight, for every step forward they seemed to take two steps back. He thought they were on their way to success. One time during a counselling session he confessed to looking at pornography and smoking marijuana. Shortly after his wife filed for divorce, she couldn't handle that she had married a man who would do this. His wife told her pastor and he was shunned from that community and kicked out of his house. While I understand his wife's horror and how she felt that all the trust that she had given lay smashed on the floor, I couldn't help but feel sorry for him. Here was a man who had honestly tried to put his life back together and there he sat, kicked to the curb by loved ones and those he trusted.
As he sat with his eyes closed, body swaying to the sounds of country music lamenting over lost relationships I couldn't help but hope that my God, the God of comfort, the God of Heaven and earth was bending His ear to this broken man's silent prayer. Like a wave crashing on the shore a sense of awe came over me. Had Jesus been at that diner this is the man that he would have been sitting across from. Although he had been rejected by everyone, even those who claim to follow Jesus, this was it right in front of me, this was who Jesus had come to die for.
Clearing his dishes I began to think "Am I really all that different?". I too have struggled with sin, been rejected from my peers and been broken to the core. But How had I embraced my brokenness? Had I been comforted by the fact that that God alone can sustain me, that I can do nothing on my own? Or had I just simply swept it under the rug, like I do most things, and pretend that it isn't there. Maybe I am still clinging on the fact that if I deny it long enough it will just go away. And I started to wonder that maybe pretending that I am not broken is what is keeping God at a distance. Psalm 34:18 says "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted". So here I am, declaring that I too am broken and that Jesus' sacrifice is all that can heal me. I may never be healed, because nothing on this earth can bring me healing. Nothing but the love of a savior, who thousands of years ago bore a crown of thorns that were meant for me. But I leave this post with a sense of peace, knowing that God is a little bit closer and that I can be whole and broken all at the same time. My life is yours...Sweet Jesus.

Isaiah 53

Who believes what we've heard and seen? Who would have thought God's saving power would look like this?
The servant grew up before God—a scrawny seedling,
a scrubby plant in a parched field.
There was nothing attractive about him,
nothing to cause us to take a second look.
He was looked down on and passed over,
a man who suffered, who knew pain firsthand.
One look at him and people turned away.
We looked down on him, thought he was scum.
But the fact is, it was our pains he carried—
our disfigurements, all the things wrong with us.
We thought he brought it on himself,
that God was punishing him for his own failures.
But it was our sins that did that to him,
that ripped and tore and crushed him—our sins!
He took the punishment, and that made us whole.
Through his bruises we get healed.
We're all like sheep who've wandered off and gotten lost.
We've all done our own thing, gone our own way.
And God has piled all our sins, everything we've done wrong,
on him, on him.

He was beaten, he was tortured,
but he didn't say a word.
Like a lamb taken to be slaughtered
and like a sheep being sheared,
he took it all in silence.
Justice miscarried, and he was led off—
and did anyone really know what was happening?
He died without a thought for his own welfare,
beaten bloody for the sins of my people.
They buried him with the wicked,
threw him in a grave with a rich man,
Even though he'd never hurt a soul
or said one word that wasn't true.

Still, it's what God had in mind all along,
to crush him with pain.
The plan was that he give himself as an offering for sin
so that he'd see life come from it—life, life, and more life.
And God's plan will deeply prosper through him.

Out of that terrible travail of soul,
he'll see that it's worth it and be glad he did it.
Through what he experienced, my righteous one, my servant,
will make many "righteous ones,"
as he himself carries the burden of their sins.
Therefore I'll reward him extravagantly—
the best of everything, the highest honors—
Because he looked death in the face and didn't flinch,
because he embraced the company of the lowest.
He took on his own shoulders the sin of the many,
he took up the cause of all the black sheep.


**Praise be to you Father, you are the author and perfector of life itself!! Please answer my cry, bend your ear to me and shape me me to see and hear you. All this I lay at your feet. Thank you for the sacrifice of your son and for all that you do for me everyday. Prepare me for what is to come. My life is yours, hear my cry and be gracious to me. Show me the way that I must live and show me to be grateful no matter the blessing!! I love you Lord, here at your feet I await your presence.**

Another Day, A Better Place

O Lord, You know I love You
That I’d never cause You pain
That I’ll follow You forever
Through hell, through death, through shame
Yes, I’ve made my resolution
To always stand up tall
But the rooster crowed this evening
And night began to fall
And I knew that I’d been called out

So hold me now when only hopelessness is found
And love me when my brokenness is all around
Kiss me in the dead of night, the lonely ache
And tell me now that I will see another day,
A better place

O You know I didn’t mean to
That I am crying for Your pain
That I don’t deserve to follow
I deserve Your scorn, Your shame
But I look across the courtyard
And I’m struck full by Your gaze
And I know what You are saying
You know me deeply in this place
And You adore me just the same

---By Simon Hoskyn

Life

This week I am reminded of the fragility and delicacy of life. On Thursday we had to have one of our horses put down. He was sick and dying. It all came quite suddenly with a stomach ache and lead to a twisted intestine which left all of the toxins in his body nowhere to go but back into his blood stream. It was very sad. Though I had never ridden him and wasn't there when the vet came, I cried as I watched them drag his carcass into the back of a non-descript truck and drive him away. A sad sight for all of us who looked on, not even a girls night out with martinis could cure the sting of what had happened that day. This probably seems a little bit dramatic for you, and looking back it seems a little drawn out and dramatic for myself but this is the first time that I have dealt with the death of an animal that I watched deteriorate. "It's just a horse", is what you are probably thinking, but to me it is more than that.It reminds me that life is incredibly fragile, and is something that should not be taken lightly. I spend too much of my time trying to be someone I'm not that when things go bad I can't even rely on myself to be strong. Why am I so afraid to be myself? I have wasted the past 20 years (Oh my gosh, 20 years--- that is two decades!!) trying to meet someone else's expectations and fashioning myself after what they want. RIDICULOUS!! INSANITY!! So today, I start anew. I am going to be who I am and who God is shaping me to be. I don't what to be forty and realize that I am so far from who I am that I can't function. I'm going to do my own thing while I serve this untameable God of mine. I'm going to throw caution to the wind and know that God will provide, wherever I am. I'm excited. Out from the shadows I come. I'm throwing off this mask and if you don't like it, don't watch--- I'm sorry but I can't stay squished in your box forever. If you do like it, join me and watch because my God is going to do something amazing!!

well, I guess this is the part where I come up with something extraordinary...sorry, but nothing comes to mind. I spent the day vacuumming (or however you spell that!!). First it was the cabins, then the bunk house. I am leaving here in less than a week and although I am excited to have a life again and to see my family and friends, I'm a little nervous. Nervous about a job and basically everything that comes along with reality. Oh well. Time to bite the bullet, I guess. well, sorry folks that is all I got (for now)...

Well, I have been living in my tower for 21 days and all is well. I love my tower. Next time I will try and post some pictures of my room on the toppest top part of my tower. My room is quite quaint. Filled with pictures and a psychadelic duvet cover that is on loan from my brother. I often think of a fairy tale when I walk up those steps. I like to stand on my balcony and think of Rapunzel, except that I haven't much hair and sometimes after a hard day of cleaning toilets and showers I think of Cinderella. Don't ask why...I think that I have become obsessed with the idea, to be frank. It is so wierd how someting so childish has just taken control of my day dreams and has become some kind of unattainable goal demands all of my attention. It's Mother/Daughter camp here at the ranch this weekend and there are plenty of little girls parading around as though they own the place and as though they are the most precious jewel in the world. It really is quite sweet. Really.
It gets my attention. What is it that makes me not believe the same thing? Is it failed relationships? Dashed dreams? Worldly advice? What exactly is it? And somehow I can't even seem to find that answer, let alone the time that I stopped believing that.
It is something so precious to know and believe that you are a princess.
For some reason we have stopped believeing that we are nothing better than what the world expects us to be. We have replaced our riches with rags and haven't noticed. We have put down our crowns and have donned the clothes of the pauper, and all for what? So that someone in this world will notice? So that we could fit in with the popular crowd?
I've done it...in fact I do it just about everyday, I step over my ballgown and glass slippers and put on a raggity old pair of jeans and stained t-shirt. When was the last time that I proclaimed the truth that I am a daughter of the king? When was the last time that you did it?
A friend of mine from high school (here's your plug Simon) wrote this incredibly amazing song that shook me to my core. Here is the chorus:

What if I did? What if I did?
Gave my whole life, let it all fly
Stepped before sight, and lost the whole world
Fell into real life, traded plastic for pearls

So what if I did? What if I traded my cheap plastic costume jewelry for pearls? What would that mean? How then would I live? Cos I'm pretty sure that life would be sweet. What is it that makes all of this so hard? Why do I have such a problem with this ball gown? It fits, it was made just for me. Hand tailored by the same man that paints the sunsets and waters the stars.
Now that I think on it, I don't think that it is the ballgown at all that bothers me, it is the ever-shrinking box in which I allow myself to dream that is the problem. And I don't want to live in this box anymore. I want the pearls more than my mind is ashamed to admit to that fact. I want to pull out that ballgown and show it off. I'm tired of hiding what I have and I'm frustrated with knowing all the right steps and choosing to be a wallflower. I want to dance out loud and, most importantly I want to be held in powerful and safe arms of my deepest love.
So come on girls, lets do it. But not just for one night- lets do it forever. Lets be the princesses we were meant to be. Lets put on those pearls and parade them around...I know that i want to....

Caterpillar

"What is death to the caterpillar is a butterfly to the master"
Ponder that for a moment...
Okay, now that you are done pondering, guess where I heard that quote...
Yup, you guessed right--it was at a photography conference. I was recently going through some old journals of mine and poof there it was....big as pie. I heard that quote when I was in a place of searching for God and all my efforts were futile. For some reason it stuck though, and for some reason I never associated it with photography but with God.
It really seems to apply in my life right now and I have started to ponder the idea myself. As you may know, I have deviated from the plans that I had set out for myself. I seem to have come across something better, God's plan. As hard as it is for myself to lay down my plans and follow into the unknown and as hard as it is for those around me to see me give up something that I have worked so hard to achieve, I know that something much better lies ahead.
It is a death--- a death of my expectations, my parents' dreams, the world's hope for me to get rich and live well. But as a Christian I should be willing to deny myself for God right?? Let's ponder deny...okay...definition--to refuse to recognize or acknowledge; disown; disavow; repudiate. I like that. This summer I have layed down my life, my worldly self has died to the desire of my King. My life is no onger my own. Please rise and have a moment of silence out of respect for the caterpillar within me who can only cling to the dirt on the ground looking at the sky hoping to soar...she is dead. I have been immerged from my coccoon ready to soar. My life will never be the same. Instead of spindly little legs I have been given wings. Great big beautiful wings, full of color and hope. Wings that carry me wherever the wind blows. I suddenly have a new perspective. Things of this world seem so small, so insignificant. My new world is so much bigger, so much brighter and so much more in tune with God. He is the wind that guides me and I have every faith that what I am doing is His will. He has humbled me and alone deserves the glory for anything good that can come from me. It is in His arms I rest and in Him that I trust.

**God you know what you are doing..Help me trust that. Keep me humble so that I can hear your voice. Remain faithful and true and allow me to honor you in all that I do. Your ways are much higher than mine and your plans are far, far greater. Thank you for this freedom and thank you for these wings. You truly are a great God. You are my heart's desire. I love you. And in you alone am I satisfied. Mould me and make me. I am at your feet.**

Emloyment Agreement Package

I built a fortress, with a hundred thousand faces,
I'll keep it safe, with a hundred thousand more.
But these masks are wearing thin, as You draw me in.

I spent my time on the empty and the fleeting.
I spent my life on much less than what I'd dreamed.
But I'm reaching out to You, to make me new.

'Cause I am just a beggar, here at Your door.
I am just a shipwreck here on Your shore.
I come empty handed, ready to see,
Your life in me changing who I've been,
To who I need to be.

You tell my story as You sift between the pages.
I feel redemption in the space between each turn.
Could You take me in Your arms,
And tell it just once more?
Could You take me in Your arms,
And tell it just once more?

'Cause I am just a beggar, here at Your door.
I am just a shipwreck here on Your shore.
I come empty handed, ready to see,
Your life in me changing who I've been,
To who I need to be.


I sit here and in my hands I hold my "employment agreement package" that I have to sign and give back to the head honcho here at the ranch. With every pen stroke I do more than just sign my life away for 3 months of scrubbing toilets here at Timberline- I resign my hopes and my desires to the true king. In a sense I turn my back on my parents and I jump, with everything that I am, into the unknown. I'm so scared--- and soooo tired! I have been here for the past 10 weeks, cleaning and vacuuming, running on about 6 hours of sleep a night and I feel part dead. I've past the point of physical exhaustion and I've hit spiritual exhaustion. God is soooo good because only He is carrying me through this. I'm soooo scared, but I know that God will show up and I will trust that He is faithful. It feels like this is the first time in my life that I have thrown caution to the wind and have allowed God's voice to be the reason in my life. I am nothing more than a servant, and He is my king. It is Him I serve and no one else.

**Lord Jesus, hold me and catch me as I jump. You are my king and I love you. I will praise you because you have been so good to me. Restore my spirit and give me rest. My life is yours. I know that you will guide me. Banish my fears and lift me up so that I can see your goodness and see where you are guiding me. Hold me tight, here I go!!**

End of week 8 out of 10

As summer comes to a close I find myself excited, terrified, joyous and sad. Excited because I know what lies ahead for me, terrified because I know now that I am only living this way because I am following God and it is going to take all my strength to lean on Him, joyous because I have learned so much and sad because I feel that my time here is not done. My quest for being satisfied only by my creator has proven a challenging road. It requires a check almost every five minutes--there are days when it just comes naturally and days when I can seem to do everything but. I have taken many leaps of faith this summer, but my biggest is yet to come. Something about living in active and constant service to the King has changed my heart. I came to Timberline this summer with a plan and almost right away that plan was thrown upside down. Life is so unpredictable when you are serving an untameable, unpredicatble God. Nevertheless He is good and has blessed me beyond what I could hope for myself. I just need to hang on and enjoy the ride.

**LORD JESUS, TAKE ME WHERE YOU WANT ME TO BE. I LAY MYSELF AT YOUR FEET AND ASK THAT YOU WOULD USE ME BEYOND ANYTHING THAT I CAN IMAGINE. GUIDE ME AS I JUMP AND CATCH ME IF I FALL. MAY YOUR WILL BE DONE IN MY LIFE AND MAY I REST IN YOU.**

YUP!! That is me. Granted they aren't the most flattering pictures,(it was close to one in the morning!!) but I do love the color, don't you?? It's pink!! I love my crazy hair..let me know what color I should do next k?? I'll probably color it again in a couple weeks or so. But for now it is sooooo much fun!!

Well, summer is half done and that makes me sad. I wish that I could stay at the ranch for so much longer than the time that I have left. God is amazing!! Life is so good and I'm learning so much!!


I love you all!!

Back...

Well, I am home now--just for the weekend. But I have survived my first two weeks at camp. To be honest, it has been bittersweet. Learning to adjust to the new staff, new rules and learning how to serve God in a completely different way has been quite challenging. I feel energized, lazy, sad and happy all at the same time. I have been blessed to hear long lost friends' stories of their journeys and my heart has been uplifted but tales of joy and burdened by tales of darkness and doubt. How amazing God is that He called me to Timberline..me..I am not worthy of anything except the condemnation that awaits for me without God. His strength is the only way that I can face everyday. It was strange to go back and reconnect and see how others have changed and stayed the same. God is so good. He is soo faithful and HE just pours his blessing down upon us. What an amazing God we have that loves us without us loving Him. This year Timberline celebrates it's 45th anniversary and just knowing that God has been faithful to the vision that He put into the hearts of the two men who started that camp puts a chill in my bones. In came across a verse in Jeremiah that says something along the lines of how God's faithfulness endures from generation to generation.. It is sooo true. His love and faithfulness reign from horizon to horizon. Oh, what a wonderful God we serve!! To know that His faithfulness is something that I can bet my life on overwhelms me. To know that in my brokenness I can have something to lean on is beyond words.

**Father- You are so good and you are soooo faithful. I see it everyday. You truly do amaze me. Burst into my life and continue to show me your greatness. I stand in awe of your majesty. To know that you would reach down from the heavens and whisper to me words of life and truth is something that I will never comprehend. You are so good. For the rest of my days, Lord, I just want to worship you. You are beyond beauty, beyond words and to awesome to contain. I love you**

Here's a song that I have been singing alot lately...Just let it bless you!!


From everlasting to everlasting You are God
From everlasting to everlasting You are God

In holiness you stand secure through culture's shifting sands
Unchanged by all the vanities of man
And as the nations rise and fall your sovereignty remains
You are You are You are the One True God

In faithfulness your love extends through times of turbulence
Adopting those who call upon your name
And every generation joins in songs of grateful praise
You are You are You are the One True God

Eternal immortal invisible God
Eternal immortal invisible God

Packin...

well I packed for camp this morning... I even got fancy rubber gloves with feathers on them, like the ladies from the show "How clean is your house". I am always amazed at the amount of stuff that I pack for the week. It truly is astounding!!! PJ's, tooth stuff, hair junk, clothes, Bible, make-up.....The list goes on and on!! As I sit here surrounded by my stuff I begin to wonder about my other baggage. You know the stuff that I take with me everywhere and everyday. The emotional stuff. The remnants of broken relationships, remainders of bad days and the weight of failured endeavors. I am in shock of the amount of hurtful and painful moments in the past that I can dig up in the drop of a hat. And that saddens me. I tell others that God's gift is the now and that He holds the past in the vastness of His grace. When I made a commitment to follow Him I forfeited everything my hopes and dreams, my failures and weaknesses. They all belong to Him. I also gave Him my past because He alone heals and forgives. There is a verse that comes to mind when i think about this it is Matthew 11:28-30
"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."
Wow!! What an idea. He promises not to give us anything that we can't carry and I don't know about you but it is getting pretty hard for me to run for God with all of this extra baggage strapped around my neck!! I want to work with God and learn how live like He intends me to and carrying around all of this extra stuff is making it impossible for me to do so. Lets drop our baggage and run for Him. Let Him take care of that extra 400 pounds of junk that you are carrying. He really didn't want for you hold on to it. Remember that everyday you wake forgiven and that God has cast away all of your sins into the sea of forgetfulness. He holds no grudges and there isn't anything that you can to make him not forgive you. So, put down that bag and run for him. Live freely and lightly!!! Live in his promises!! He will be faithful....

Praise the Father, Praise the Son and praise the spirit three in one

Such a praise to God for all He does and all that He is. He has answered my prayer to be at camp this summer with a job that has more hours and pays more than my current one. To make things even better the job I have now will re-hire me in the fall!!
I know that this summer will not be easy--I always learn alot of hard lessons at camp-- but I know that it will be amazing because my God wants me there. I am excited to serve Him in active ministry. Such an answer to prayer. And I am soooo excited to be able to share my testimony and be blessed by other testimonies.

All creatures of our God and King,
Lift up your voice and with us sing,
Alleluia! Alleluia!
Thou burning sun with golden beam,
Thou silver moon with softer gleam!
O praise Him, O praise Him!
Alleluia! Alleluia! Allelu-u-ia!

Thou rushing wind that art so strong,
Ye clouds that sail in heav'n along,
O praise Him! Alleluia!
Thou rising morn, in praise rejoice,
Ye lights of evening, find a voice!
O praise Him, O praise Him!
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

And all ye men of tender heart,
Forgiving others, take your part,
O sing ye! Alleluia!
Ye who long pain and sorrow bear,
Praise GOd and on Him cast your care!
O praise Him, O praise Him!
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

Let all things their Creator bless,
And worship Him in humbleness,
O praise Him! Alleluia!
Praise, praise the Father, praise the Son,
And praise the Spirit, Three in One!
O praise Him, O praise Him!
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

This is the song that truly encompasses how I feel. God your greatness is beyond words....THANK YOU MY SAVIOR...

Story of Hosea

The story of Hosea is a bittersweet one. It is a tale full of heart breaking, gut wrenching, and selfless love. In this Old Testament God calls Hosea to do the unthinkable. God calls one of his very own, a prophet of high standing, to marry a prostitute. Now, I don’t know about you, but if I thought that God was calling me to marry a prostitute that He had found in some shady hotel downtown you can bet that my reaction would be that Jonah’s—to flee to the furthest place I could find in hopes that God would realize His insanity and forget the whole idea. Hosea on the other hand did not. In obedience to His creator he took the prostitute Gomer as his wife.
As crazy as all of this sounds, there really was a deep and moving reason that God called His servant to do this. Israel, at the time, had gotten mixed up. In the Message chapter one of the book of Hosea is labeled, “This Whole Country Has Become A Whorehouse”. Israel was under the reign of a king who endorsed the worship, and worshiped himself, idols. Israel had forgotten the God that had brought Moses to them and who had rescued them from slavery. They had forgotten the God that had plans to restore their lands and who had promised a savior to wash away all of their sins. Hosea and Gomer’s relationship was a parallel of God’s love for his people and the nation of Israel. God wanted to teach His people a lesson through the obedience of His servant Hosea.
Hosea and Gomer had three children and each one is reminder of how God felt about His people. Hosea’s first child, a son, was named Jezreel, as a warning to his people that they would pay for the massacre that happened there. The second child’s name was Lo-ruhamah, meaning “Not Loved”. God had gotten so fed up with the Israelites and their idolatry that He no longer wanted to forgive them. To look upon them tore out the very heart of God. Their third child was named Lo-Ammi which means “Not My People” this was God’s way of telling them that He had officially disowned them and was going to leave them to their fate.
When I was growing up I always thought that the God of the Old Testament was a violent angry God, bent on tearing down and destroying anyone who stepped out of line. I think that is why I find it so astonishing for me to find some of my favorite verses in this book. High school was hard for me. I was never the kind of kid that ever really fit in. I remember hating lunch and breaks between classes because that was the time that normal kids huddled into their cliques and crowded in the cafeteria. Not me. I was kind of kid that hid in the library, or in senior high I hid in the photo lab hoping to escape the humility of publicly eating lunch by yourself. But nothing prepared me for life after high school. I did not transition well. Finding a job was tricky and eventually I got a job as a photographer’s assistant one day a week. The rest of the time I sat around the house and eventually, as with what most high school grads go through, I went through a period of depression. Being inactive and isolated made me angry and very sad. It seemed that life got a little darker everyday. Most of my friends had full-time jobs or where going to college full time, so no one that I knew seemed to be struggling like I was.
My walk with God wasn’t very healthy either. In my darkness all I seemed to get from Him was silence so slowly my life moved in without Him. For almost a year I didn’t read my Bible and I wasn’t looking to be rescued. Eventually I got so desperate that one day in February I cracked open my Bible. I found the book of Hosea and clumsily began reading it. After reading about God not forgiving His people and then disowning them I was surprised to read Hosea 1:10,
“In the place where it was said to them, 'You are not my people,' they will be called 'sons of the living God.' (NIV)

To read that although this vagabond nation had willingly turned their backs on God He took them back lifted my almost numb heart. But, I was stopped dead in my tracks when I read this
For I will be like a lion to Ephraim, 
 like a great lion to Judah. I will tear them to pieces and go away; I will carry them off, with no one to rescue them. Then I will go back to my place until they admit their guilt. And they will seek my face; in their misery they will earnestly seek me. "Come, let us return to the LORD. He has torn us to pieces but he will heal us; he has injured us but he will bind up our wounds. After two days he will revive us; on the third day he will restore us, that we may live in his presence. Let us acknowledge the LORD; let us press on to acknowledge him. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth."
(Hosea 5:14-6:3 NIV )

As I sat on my couch reading this passage I could slowly feel my soul awake. I knew that in my heart I hadn’t been living much of a godly life. I had worshipped other things in place of the most high and my life was in shambles because of my choices and my actions. Looking back I realized that I ignored the nudges and whispers of God to come out of my sinful life. Like a spoiled child I cried out to be left alone. For what seemed like an eternity I had been feeling like I was walking alone. All of a sudden I was faced with an image of a God who totally contradicted every single notion that I had of Him. Here was an image a God who wanted to restore His people and bind up their wounds.
That night it was like God reached down from heaven and put my heart back together. He honestly cared about me and longed to have me back. He restored my life and showed me love and compassion that no other idol could bring. I still have my struggles and some days it all seems hopeless, but when I fall to my knees and earnestly seek God I know that He holds my life in His hands and armed with his compassion and love He will rescue me. After all that is what Yahweh means, “ever present rescuer” and that is what He wants for you too. Let His compassion and mercy reach into the depths of your soul. If God can restore an entire nation, surely He can restore you too.

Now what?

This post is seriously a cry from my heart. No pretending here. No cutsie little parrallels, no fun stories...just me.
For the past few days I have just wanted to cry. I have no idea howcome or what brought this on. My journal has filled with everything from the high notes of the utmost praise for my savior to the lowest notes of "why God?, why all of this heart ache?" Last summer was horrible. After being a relationship where repressing all of my desires and emotions seemed the only appropriate course of action--- I cracked. I hit rock bottom. I had to reach up to try my shoe laces. Severe depression coupled with a hectic schedule and the estrangement of friends left me one option. Self mutilation.
During the day I was a hard-working, happy, outgoing girl. But once the house was asleep and all I could hear was the rustling of the trees, I would fall apart. At some point crying out to God turned into cutting. And that spiraled into this horrible cycle of hating myself and cutting then hating my self for cutting so doing it again...and so on. Until I got caught...
Forced to stop, I eventually learned to do without and I started walking through my depression with the hope that there would be light at the end of the tunnel. Eventually the light came, and when it came it was amazing. It was like God dropped out of the sky right there into my living room. I swear I could hear the very voice of God as He told me that I was loveable and that He loved me and wanted to restore everybit of my life. And that is what He did. In one night he broke my depression and spoke to me in ways that I never even imagined. I have seen my savior in a new light, not just as a lover but as a restorer. Precious few get to see that. I have truly been blessed and looking back I don't know if I would change a thing.
So why are you complaining you may ask?? Well my biggest fear is that I will walk through that depression again. I sooooo don't want to ever be there again. The thought of that separation from my maker makes me cry. Walking through a time in your life where you can't even see your hand in front of your face, honestly scares me.( I am not strong enough to do it again and I plead with you Lord not to make me do it again..I'm so scared. Can't you see how scared I am that I may be headed for that again...Lord I'm clinging to you, please don't let me go.)
Depression feels like your best friend died, it feels like the last person on this earth that you could ever trust has just died. You find yourself sleeping in to avoid the sun and you realize after a month or two that you haven't opened your window blinds for a while. You can't handle the day to day and laughing hurts..not physically but deep down inside of you, you know that it is fake.
Lord Jesus to you I life this fear. I love you and I thank you for restoring me. your love is amazing and your mercy is infinate.please Jesus stop this fear from taking hold and stop me from walking down that path again. Lord I lay at your feet. Tether me to your love and stop this anguish. Be the eye of the storm and protect me on all sides. Hold me Lord, Hold me...

Fundamentalist Underwear

I love period costumes. Anything from the 1700 or 1800s I just adore. I wish that people dressed like that today. We would look so sophisticated. While I love the clothing from that era, my real passion lies in the undergarments. I recently took a history of fashion class and my final project and paper was on the evolution of undergarments. I love underwear. But, my favorite kind of underwear is the corset. It fascinates me. I think it is just genius. An instant waist shrinker. For those of a not-so-delicate build, like me, you would have to appreciate the implications of this contraption. Imagine going from a size 22 to a 12, or a 16 to an 8? And all you have to do get dressed in the morning. I love corsets so much that I own two and I have patterns for three different kinds.
While the romantic ideals of the corset are wonderful, the fact is that they destroyed women’s bodies and made it impossible for women to do the simplest things. In the Victorian era women were cinched in, sometimes, 15 inches. Most corsets were constructed out of stiffened cloth and whalebone. During the French Revolution in the 1800s society took a break from the all-constricting undergarment and instead of women celebrating their new freedom they started dieing. You see, a lady of breeding wore a corset from about the age of twelve or thirteen. Women never learned to use their lungs to their full capacity and never developed core muscles, so that holding their own backs up was physically impossible. Because they didn’t know how to use their lungs properly women got sick from being over oxygenated and were more prone to diseases such as pneumonia. The only option was to be bound up again in a corset.
Throughout history we see women returning to the restrictive garment and molding their bodies into a shape that doesn’t tend to occur naturally. I think it is the same spiritually. There was a time in my life when I went through a fundamentalist “holier than thou” phase in my life. Everything that had even a hint of this earth was beneath me, people weren’t allowed to make mistakes and no one, and I mean absolutely no one was allowed to tell me how live my life regardless of how I was acting or behaving. What does all of this have to do with underwear you may ask? Well, here it is.
As I grew deeper and deeper into my holier than thou phase it was almost like I was tightening the corset that was around my waist. I couldn’t go to parties, what if people were going to be having fun? Where would that lead? I couldn’t go out with my friends, they might have problems--- and besides how would it look if Jesus showed up to take us all to heaven and I was caught with people who weren’t saved? I even had a problem with Church. You see my Church (as all Churches should be) was open to anyone who wanted to worship. To a pretentious, pompous, self-righteous, uhhhh…cow that is a definite no-no. You see I was trying to live as Jesus, perfect, pure and holy. I just forgot one simple component. Jesus lived with and loved the people of this earth.
With everyday I got more and more uptight and at every turn my corset got a little bit tighter. I got so caught up in presenting a God-like portrait to the world that during worship, instead opf falling on my knees before God all I could think about was that part of the song that the worship team played wrong. Praying no longer held any joy for me because part of me felt that God was beneath me. And reading my Bible—forget it, I wasn’t in the mood to be humble enough to accept God’s word. I knew that I was a sinner, but somehow I was convinced that my sins weren’t as bad as those around me and with just a little bit more discipline I could get rid of my own sin (my own sin!! Can you believe the implications of this statement?). I acted as though somehow I had been granted the privilege of being able to stand in front of God and expose my friends as the wretched sinners that they were.
My lowest moment was when I heard that my friend had slept with her boyfriend and was afraid that she might be pregnant. Upon the advent of hearing this news my mind was not full of thoughts for my friend, it was full of thoughts of how I would never be caught in a situation like that and how sexually pure and moral my current relationship was. I was so blinded by my attitude that I did not see that if my boyfriend and I kept carrying on the way we were we could have just as easily ended up in that very situation. Looking back it shocks me to see how mean I was. Instead of walking her through the vastness of God’s grace, my boyfriend and I threatened to squeal to the youth pastor if they didn’t come clean to him within the next week. It was done under the guise of helping them get counseling, but I’m sure that if you were there with me that day you could plainly see that it was done so that I could feed my false sense of security and so that I could deflect attention away from me and my crumbling spiritual walk onto some one who had “real problems”.
This corset was great because it hid my faults from the world. No one had to know about the lie I told or the guy that I looked at, as long as I was pretending to be Miss Super Christian 2005. However, as the months dragged on my corset started to have a mind of its own and began to take complete and total control. Like a Boa Constrictor it began to squeeze the life out of me. As the air was being squeezed from my lungs it became harder and harder to mask the pain that now consumed my chest and abdomen. I was cinched in at every corner, and every time that I thought that the corset could not get any tighter it did. My act fooled everybody, people came to me for advice, they came to learn from my wisdom and to hear what God had been teaching me, they came to me for prayer but the sad thing is that I had nothing to offer them because inside I was dying from hunger and thirst. My soul was literally starved for love and grace, but I was the only thing stopping me from receiving it.
It took God a long time to untangle the mess that I had created and there were many dark and silent days as I learned the gravity of my actions, but God pulled me through it nonetheless. He guided me through dark deep valleys and cold gloomy winters and in the end set me on the highest hill so that I may never walk without Him again. God stripped me bare and the process was harder than pretending to be fine but it had to be done. He bound up my wounds and healed me to my full capacity. When I look back on those days I shudder and mourn, but I also realize that it wouldn’t be difficult to step back into that again. God doesn’t want that for me and He for sure doesn’t want that you. Maybe you spend time with Him everyday and maybe for some of you your Bible and prayer journal are being held captive by the dust bunnies under your bed. Whatever it is break them free and crack them open, get active in His grace and swim in His love. Anything less than that is only damaging. For someone who has been there, run now. Run back to His arms, He will untie that corset and allow you to breathe in His majesty. Don’t put it off, no amount of pretending will or ever could save you. His love is too precious not to be a part of.

My nana and Barry Manilow

My Nana is a spry old woman. Just to give you an example- she quit down hill skiing at the age of 78. She knows how to be tough. I think she gets that from her mother. My great-grandma had a lot of spitfire. She was such a troublemaker. There is a story of my great-grandma and my nana that my mother just loves. When my nana had finished nursing school and had secured a job she bought a lovely brown suit and a pair of low pumps. She spent the sum of her first paycheck on this ensemble and was very proud. Somehow my nana’s family ended up moving and after the move my nana had not been able to find her precious brown suit and the pumps that she had bought. She looked and looked and it never turned up. Years went by and my nana had forgotten about the suit. Thirty years after this incident when my nana was visiting a distant cousin in England her and her cousin got to talking about family and about my great-grandma who had long time passed. As the conversation progressed and memories were starting to be shared her cousin shared her favorite memory of my grandmother. About the time that my nana and her family moved her cousin’s family had stumbled on a bit of difficulty and my great-grandmother, in all kindness, sent my nana’s suit to her because she hated it and didn’t want it in her house!
That was my great-grandma for you. The moral of the story? I’m not too sure but that is the kind of women that are from my bloodline. Do you see what I have to live up to?
Well getting back my nana, there are times when I completely admire her strength. She is 82 has lived through the depression of the thirties, seen friends and lovers go to war, survived two husbands and a heart attack. Who couldn’t admire that? My nana’s first husband died when my mom was in her twenties and she remarried when I was just 8-weeks old.
Her second husband, my Grandpa Al, was a train conductor for CN Rail. He died when I was in grade six, from lung cancer. My grandpa Al was a fine man. He was the kind of guy who was always in the details and never wanted the spot light- you needed something done, he was your man. He spoiled us grand kids, pony rides at the local farmer’s fair, trips to the island and notes in our lunches when he came to visit. He chose to retire ten years late so that my nana could live a comfortable life incase he left this world before she did. He took very good care of my nana and treated my mom and my uncles, even though they were grown with their own kids, like they were his own. The last thing he did minutes before He left this world was make sure that my nana had a place to sit and a decent cup of tea. Our family lost a precious man the day he died.
I still think about him, about what he was in my life and the legacy of caring he left behind. I can usually do it without tearing up, but there is one thing that always stops me in my tracks. My nana and grandpa Al loved to go dancing…they went dancing once a week. After my grandpa died my nana used to crank up Barry Manilow- I never really understood it, I mean why Barry? But one time while Barry was playing I walked into the kitchen and the sight made me cry. There was my nana with her eyes closed and her arms around an imaginary figure of my grandpa, she was swirling around the kitchen dancing with the man of her dreams, listening to the music that they listened to when they danced together. I tiptoed away and cried in my room for a while.
(Supposedly) I am a grown woman these days and that scene still tugs at my heart, not because of Barry Manilow but because just like my nana I long to be in the arms of the man of my dreams. I long to dance the night away lost in the movement of two bodies swirling on the dance floor. I think it is because I am a girl, I think that we are wired like that. I’m pretty sure that guys don’t feel this way, but if you are a guy and I am dead wrong please let me know.
We were wired for love, for that electric charge that ignites whenever we touch and for women we long passion. The thing is that earthly love can’t bring this- I know I’ve tried. It always leaves you empty, wanting more but God’s love is eternal and ever constant. Girls want to be noticed we aren’t content with hiding our beauty or dancing with an imaginary figure- we want the real thing. We want Jesus. And Jesus wants us too. So crank up the Barry Manilow and start dancing, let Jesus take you and hold you close. Twirl the night away and rest in the knowledge that this can and will last forever. In John Hiatt’s song Have a Little Faith in Me, it goes “Time is our friend, because for us there is no end.” So keep dancing and let the God that controls all time and space hold you in His arms for eternity.

Tired

I have spent most of my life being tired. Physically, emotionally and spiritually. Today I feel exceptionally tired, I don’t know why, I don’t know how but I just do. And in this I know that I am not alone. I think that all of humanity is tired. From the ninety year olds to the toddlers, we are all tired. Whether we are tired of eating broccoli, our relationships or even tired of living a life that none of us will survive. We are simply tired. That is one thing that we all have in common from Canada to Calcutta.
You see life just drains us. A million things a day demand our attention. It’s the human condition. Some of us have gotten so tired that we have fallen asleep at the wheel. Our lives spin out of control and crash, leaving us broken, stunned and disoriented. We end up wondering how it all went wrong and how things could have gotten this bad and we always fail to realize that it started because we weren’t paying attention and got a little too close to the fire.
In this day and age who wouldn’t be tired? No wonder we are all tired. We spend 20 hours a day fighting. Fighting with the mirror because everyday it seems to betray us. Combating the morning commute. Laying siege on the checkbook because it won’t balance. And, finally, battling the business of our minds when it comes time to return to our dreamlands. Fight, fight, fight. Resist, resist, resist. That is what we are getting from the world.
Teenagers do it. I had a friend in high school who fought and fought with her boyfriend until she was too tired to say no to his demands for sex. Now she is too tired to have enough self-respect to say no to any guy who asks. Parents do it. They fight to make the mortgage and tuition costs that at the end of the day they are too tired for each other and eventually grow into strangers. Children do it. They fight the stigma of being a loser and end up leaving their true friends behind. I do it. I fight my pride and earthy nature and every night crawl into bed too tired to offer a prayer to the One who pulled me through the day.
There was a point in my life where I didn’t want to fight anymore. I turned to things I shouldn’t have in pursuit of ending the fight and ended up in this twisted web of dependency and addiction. I remember feeling a hundred years old and like I was fighting world war three all by myself. I would hide in my room, behind my scars hoping to evade the depression that stalked me. I felt like a prisoner in my own skin. My soul was ravaged by the enemy’s constant bombings and attacks that it was hardly recognizable- even to me.
I would look into the mirror and wonder who was looking back at me. I would sit and think about how I got this way and I wouldn’t be able to think of anything. “Surely I haven’t always been this way”, I would tell myself. What went wrong I would wonder. It wasn’t until months later that I had it figured out. I had fallen asleep at the wheel. I had carelessly given my heart away to anything that offered love and distraction. I hadn’t even noticed but somehow the enemy had moved into my territory and has set up camp. Slowly I watched as my life went into self-destruct mode and I was powerless to stop it. The enemy had caught me and I didn’t even know it. I dropped out, of faith, church, friends and life.
I lived with defeat and exhaustion for the better part of a year before God released it. It was then that I learned, truly, for the first time that God carries our burdens. One of the songs that my friend Simon wrote goes something like this, “Arrest me. Let this tired heart be captured.” And that is exactly what God did for me. He released my exhaustion and exchanged it for joy. He captured my heart back from the enemy’s clutches and breathed life into me. He fought the battles for me and won.
He longs to do the same for you. That checkbook? God can balance it. Your children? God can take them for a weekend while you catch your breath. Your need for rest? You haven’t slept until you have fallen asleep in His arms. Your heart? It hasn’t been loved until it has felt the warm love a savior.
God wants your struggles. There are things that we just aren’t meant to carry the brunt of. God’s plan isn’t so that you spend your days tired and barely scraping by. His plan is for you to spend your life praising Him. He wants your all and that includes your hopes, exhaustion and failures. Give it all to God. Offer Him up a simple prayer; He’ll take your guilt and fatigue. Don’t believe me? Then ask yourself why He went to the Cross in the first place.

Feeling White

Today I was watching Oprah, I hardly ever watch Oprah. I think that I have mixed feelings about the TV empress. Granted she does speak on behalf of many who would otherwise not be heard. But sometimes I feel like she offers us another way to look at the world and feel all white and safe. Regardless of my feelings for her, I must say that after watching her show today I started thinking.
All my life I have wanted to go to Africa. It wasn’t until high school that I figured out which part of Africa that I wanted to go to. Uganda. You see the boy that I was sort of seeing wanted to go there and we planned to ditch North America after high school and go work somewhere in Uganda. Well that never happened. Neither he nor I have made it off of this continent.
I want to go there because of the tragedies that are ensuing in the wake of the raids of the LRA (the Lord’s Resistance Army). And this is exactly what was on Oprah today. A man named Joseph Kony runs the LRA. And like Rasputin, believes he is a messenger of god. The LRA raids villages, wiping out complete families from great-grandparents to grandchildren. They kidnap teenagers and children and force them to be soldiers and sex slaves. Boys who are not yet thirteen are forced to kill family members, friends and strangers. Girls are forced to marry soldiers or are used as concubines. They keep the children there by driving fear into their souls. They tell them not to think of home, their families or their friends because if they do and the LRA finds out, they say they will kill them. They mean it. Another way that they keep the children from running away is by beating them. They beat them and keep them within inches of death, that way they aren’t strong enough to make a full escape.
The ones that get away are left with horrible physical reminders of the cruelty and malice of their former captors. They arrive at rescue camps missing lips and noses and limbs, you name it. Women arrive 9 months pregnant or with babies fathered by one of the men that gang-raped her when her village was raided. They have scars all over their bodies from being cut with glass and from the extensive beatings. A generation is being ruined right before our eyes and we don’t care.
I finished watching Oprah and then I cried all the way through “Gilmore Girls”. I went upstairs and tried to forget the statistics and the horror that I had known for ages. I went upstairs feeling with part of me feeling so righteous and white, you see one day I was going to go to Uganda and help fix the problem. I had supported one or two missionaries in my day, and all I wanted to do was pat myself on the back. I sat down at the dinner table and started to feel sick, I had become like them—I had become the very person that I hated. I became the person who watched TV, agrees that something has to be done and leaves someone else to do it. I felt so hypocritical, so white. For dinner I ate my white chicken with my white French fries, my white salad dressing and chased it all down with white ice cream. I felt sick!
My thoughts are filled with the mission that God gives all of humanity. We are called to speak for the unheard, to give to the least of these. God calls us to a purpose beyond ourselves, and it is within my own self that I have been living. My thoughts flooded toward heaven. When I see God on judgment day will I be faced with my chosen blindness? I was faced with my humanity and did not want to be on this earth, simply because it was filled with people like me. I truly believe that God does not want us to sit in silence while His children and our brothers and sisters face horror. Ignorance is not bliss.
I think that Satan’s greatest tool is to make us self-absorbed so that we cannot see beyond our own pathetic existence. He twists us and manipulates us so that every way we turn we only see ourselves. God wants to do the opposite he wants to let us crawl outside of ourselves in a world that desperately needs Him. When you go to bed tonight, pray that you would be removed from yourself and that God would let you see the world through His eyes. Then take action.

Sacrifice

The night that Sarah died, my community was sick with grief. All the parents held their children a little tighter that night and made a point of tucking them in safely. Everyone breathed a selfish sigh of relief except for two parents. The moment those words fell from the surgeon’s lips two hearts shattered like crystal on the concrete. Dreams were brought to a screaming halt, and the world got a little darker for that family. It’s odd because even being so young I can still remember the presence of God that night. I remember an odd blanket that came a sheltered our little community.
Years later a little girl was playing in her front yard and she ran into the street to chase after her ball. She was too little to be seen and her little memorial garden is still full of flowers and it sits just in front of the fence in her yard. Somebody built a memorial playground for her and I used to go and sit there as a teenager watching the kids I babysat play and think about the sorrow her parents must have felt as they watched their daughter leave this earth.
In late October 1999, my father got a call. A couple that he knew from Bible school had lost their two sons in a horrible car accident. The authorities have no idea what happened to the boys. Just like that a family was torn to pieces. All of these parents were forced to deal with the unthinkable, the loss of a child. I am a Lord Of The Rings fan and there is one scene in the second movie that always gets me. It’s the scene where King Theoden turns to his niece, Eowyn, and tells her that a father should never have to bury his son. My thoughts always turn to those parents that have had to surrender their children and all the hopes and dreams that a parents keeps for their future.
There is someone else who went through the events that I have just described. The difference? He sent His son willingly. When God put His son on this earth, He willingly wrote Jesus’ death sentence, with His own hands. God Almighty knew what would happen to Jesus the moment that He claimed to be God.
God knew that the only way that He could ever look on the world was by sacrificing His son. I don’t know why He did it, and I’ll never understand the kind of love that possessed Him to do it in the first place. Can you imagine the moments leading to the crucifixion? God sees Judas talking to the officials; His heart must have been racing. Can you imagine sending your son to be sacrificed and then having to watch all of the events unfold?
Your son is betrayed by one of His closest friends. Then denied by another. He is humiliated, tortured, degraded. He is stripped naked for all the world to see. The very people that you are sending Him to die for chose a known criminal to be set free, instead of your son- the only person to ever walk the earth and lead a sinless life. As He is paraded through the streets, forced to carry the object of His own demise, He is laughed at, mocked and people are throwing things at Him. You watched Him stumble and fall to the place of His death, all for your own cause. You watch as they drive nails into His hands and feet, stick a spear in His side and mocking crown on His head. As you sit there looking down, you watch your son take on all that you hate. You watch Him take the place of rapists, murderers and credit card thieves. You can hear His screams but can’t help Him.
Multiply that by a million and you have barely scratched the surface of what God did that day. You want to hear the bone chilling part? He did it all in your name. God isn’t some twisted sadistic Father who gets pleasure out of the sacrifice of the Cross. He is a loving, self-sacrificing Father who sent His son in your name. Imagine the grief of a parent who has just lost their child; now find out that they sent them to die so that you could be free.

Guilt

My first friend in elementary school was Sarah. As two magnets are drawn to each other, so are outcasts because the playground is one place that a child dare not stand alone. Sarah and I became quick friends. I never really understood why she was an outcast like me, because she seemed so perfectly normal. As our friendship grew so did my confidence and I started to make other friends. As most elementary school friendships do, Sarah and I got caught up in the vicious cycle of being best friends, “breaking up”, spreading cooties and being best friends again all within the course of a week. During one of the “cootie spreading” days, Sarah and I had a fight. The fight was astronomical (well at least for someone in the primary grades) and it ended in a “Fine!” “Fine!” and I watched her walk away.
That night little Sarah was walking to catechism and was hit by a drunk driver, her brothers watched on powerless to help her. She died shortly after in surgery, her little body just couldn’t handle the injuries. I don’t even want to think about the surgeon who had to deliver the news to her awaiting parents. I can’t even imagine the words that fell to the floor that night or the cries of pain that were lifted into the heavens as the news circulated our tight-knit community. That is the first time I remember feeling a sense of guilt. It was hard not having Sarah at school the next day. I crawled underneath my bed and asked Jesus if He would let her come back just like He did, but He didn’t and I had to go to school and listen to all the school bullies and people that I had called my “friends” talk about how glad they were that she was dead.
I was angry and confused, mad at my friends and mad at Jesus for taking her away. But most of all I was angry with myself for not remaining true to my best friend. I felt horrible. Guilt has this way of gnawing away at your innards. It’s like the Ebola virus. At first you don’t notice it, but it creeps up on you and tears apart your insides and there is no cure. While I sat at her funeral I wondered if people could see right through my shallowness. I felt like Lenin on the judging block for all the world to see. I wondered if everyone around me could smell the guilt as it seeped from my pores.
You would think that I would have learned my lesson, that I would embrace Jesus and not care about what people said or how they acted. Instead, I am ashamed to say that the opposite is true. I carried on in my ways of “cootie spreading” and deceiving all the while I feeling the guilt of what happened with Sarah eat me from the inside out.
It wasn’t until years later that I was able to grasp the concept of God’s grace and how He released me from carrying around guilt the moment He sent His son to the Cross. The fact is that His grace covers all…even fights in the playground. Could you imagine all the free time we would have if we just embraced the grace of the Father? God’s grace is a mystery that even the most intellectual human being could only hope to grasp. His grace acts as a Sherpa, carrying our baggage and leading us to our destination. His grace allows us to be weak because we cannot accept help when we are proud.
God is funny in the way that He relentlessly pursues us. After all we have done and all that we do, He still stands there calling us home. At the end of the day it is Him that whispers in our hearts “Come back to me, my child. I love you.” Sometimes we don’t hear the whispers and sometimes we do. Nevertheless they are there and it doesn’t take much to slow down and let the whispers fall from the sky and cradle us bringing us back to the loving arms of God.

T-Shirts

You know the feeling you get when you walk into a second hand shop and find the perfect shirt? If you are a Value Village fan like I am you’ll know what I am talking about. The shirt fits just right, it is some outrageous color and the design on it pays homage to Mr. T or to some company’s opening day 24-hour uberpalooza extravaganza. Well, that is how I came across Christianity.
I have been blessed with two amazing parents who, each on their own and as a couple, have incredible faith. If it weren’t for them, their guidance (and sometimes force) I wouldn’t have the walk with God that I have today.
I have been attending Church since before I could even hope to remember. However, my first memory of Church is hearing the Easter story. I don’t remember actually being able to grasp the concept of the greatness of Jesus’ sacrifice but I remember being enthralled in fact that He rose from the dead. No one I had ever known who had died did that, so I decided right then and there that Jesus was cool and if He could defy the clutches of death then I would be His girl.
I had, lets just say, a (way) less than normal childhood. About a year or so before my little brother was born my dad fell in love with a little community called “Queensborough”. When he proposed we move there, my mother put her foot down, she refused to even set foot in a community with the name Queensborough. “Think of the kind of people that live there, Rodd”, she would say. “I’m not leaving this wonderful neighborhood for some dumpy shack in Queensborough!” I can only imagine the persuading my father must have done to actually get her to go there and I can only imagine the persuading my mom must have done to get him to move there within three months.
Queensborough was, at that point, a tiny community. Affectionately called the “armpit” of New Westminster, it was there that I spent a great deal of my childhood and grew up. The school that I attended was named after Queen Elizabeth and the students were truly diverse. I remember from day one that I was different from the other students. School was never one of those places that I found friends easily. I remember lying awake in my bed at night wondering what made me so different from the other students.
I quickly learned that it was this man named Jesus that separated me from the other students and it was my perfect attendance at Church that left others puzzled and confused. Whenever I was lucky enough to have a sleepover with someone I was always the first one to leave Sunday morning because I had an obligation to fulfill.
Once I got this figured out I realized that if Jesus was as cool as I thought He was He wouldn’t mind it if I pretended that we weren’t friends during school hours. I was sure He would understand if we could just catch up on the way home from school. To a child in elementary school, you have to understand that this plan was utter brilliance. I got the best of both worlds, Jesus on the way to and from school (on the weekends too, if there wasn’t a sleepover) and my school friends during class and recess. So it was there in my elementary years that I first learned and perfected the art of deception.

Africa

My mom left for Africa last week. She is in Uganda teaching a course on counseling. Uganda has always been close to my heart and I did my best to go this year, but due to a lack of funds and conflicting exam schedule I didn't get to go. I now know why. All my life I had heard stories of the carnage left by the Lord's Resistance Army (LRA). They enter villages raping and killing as they go. They take children as young as six or seven years old and force them to kill their family members and other tribes people. These children usually do not survive (often being killed by their captors when they feel they are no longer useful). Many of the girls are treated as sex slaves or forced to marry soldiers in the army.
God has been doing something in my heart these past few weeks, He has been calling me to action. I did not know what He wanted me to do, or how He was going to provide me with resources to do it. However, I know now why I stayed home fro Africa and what He wants me to do. He wants me to raise awareness of this horrible disaster that is taking place on His earth. He wants me to wake everyone around me up from their "white suburban" comas and take action. This is what I propose. To whoever is reading this I want you to send letters. Send letters to your elected officials, but most importantly send letters to me!! That's right..to me. I want to have 40,000 letters, one for each child who walks for miles to escape the clutches of the LRA.
In the villages of Northern Uganda most of the children disappear everyday by a bout 4 o'clock in the afternoon. They all walk to the cities where it is safe, so that they may survive the raids of the LRA. The LRA rarely raids the cities. The children congregate in bus terminals, on the street and in vacant buildings, by the thousands. 40,000 children walk everyday, some as young as two. I want each of them to have a letter, so that they know that there are people out there who care and are trying to help. Please don't leave me to do all of those letters alone!!
How can we speak of social justice and human rights if we just stand by and forget that this is happening. Please stand up.... The change starts with you!!
Please contact me if you are interested in helping. I need action and not just words.
God Bless

my e-mail is quakergruau@gmail.com
http://www.hrw.org/reports/2003/uganda0303/uganda0403-03.htm Read this article for more info

Praise the Lord Almighty

One day when Job's sons and daughters were feasting and drinking wine at the oldest brother's house, a messenger came to Job and said, "The oxen were plowing and the donkeys were grazing nearby, and the Sabeans attacked and carried them off. They put the servants to the sword, and I am the only one who has escaped to tell you!"

While he was still speaking, another messenger came and said, "The fire of God fell from the sky and burned up the sheep and the servants, and I am the only one who has escaped to tell you!"

While he was still speaking, another messenger came and said, "The Chaldeans formed three raiding parties and swept down on your camels and carried them off. They put the servants to the sword, and I am the only one who has escaped to tell you!"

While he was still speaking, yet another messenger came and said, "Your sons and daughters were feasting and drinking wine at the oldest brother's house, when suddenly a mighty wind swept in from the desert and struck the four corners of the house. It collapsed on them and they are dead, and I am the only one who has escaped to tell you!"

At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship and said:
"Naked I came from my mother's womb,
and naked I will depart.
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
may the name of the LORD be praised."
Job 1:13-21
I was sitting with my brother and talking about God, our spiritual lives and where we are going and we came across this scripture. Job's response is amazing!! He had lost everything, EVERYTHING, still his response was to praise God. I am reminded of a scene a few years back. I woke up early and was watching the news, I saw a plane crash into a building, then just a few short minutes later I saw an other one and the heard that a plane has crashed in Pennsylvania. My heart was sickened and my first thoughts went to those who I watched leap from the 60th floor of the World Trade buildings. I have seen distruction on a worldly scale and on a personal scale. Job witnessed the same. However, unlike me Job had the maturity to fall to his knees and remind himself that all that he had belonged to God. He praised Him and never blamed Him. If only we could follow that example. To be honest all that we have from our cars, the money we use for gas down to the very air we breathe belongs to God. We don't deserve any of it. It is because of His loving will that we have anything. Could you imagine what the world would be like if our first reaction when tragedy strikes was to fall to our knees and praise God. That doesn't mean that you have be happy that God ended your relationship or killed your family, you just have to praise Him. Praise Him in tears, praise Him in anger. To quote a great author, Rick Warren, "God loves it when you wrestle with Him, because wrestling is an act of passion." If you have faced trail and praising God was and still is last on your list, its okay- the best part is that it isn't to late. God will give you strength to do it and you will be surprised at the freedom that it gives you.
Lord Jesus. To you I lift everything. My life and the lives of those around me. May you give them strength to praise your name in darkness and it light. Give me that strength too. You are the Great King and I will worship you all if my days. Amen
This week's song is Come and Listen by David Crowder Band

Come and listen, come to the water's edge, all you who know and fear the Lord.
Come and listen, come to the water's edge all you who are thirsty, come.

Let me tell you what He has done for me.
Let me tell you what He has done for me,
He has done for you,
He has done for us.

Come and listen,
come and listen to what He's done.
Praise our God for He is good.

He has done for me,
He has done for you,
He has done for us.


PS-The photo is called Abbey in the Oak Wood by Caspar David Freidrich

The word of the Lord

Hello again!! I must say that I feel quite a bit better after my last entry, having completed several projects and given it all up to God. Lately He has been teaching me about the importance of His word. Having known many people who take the word of God and "study" it leaving the grace of the Savior out of it, I never enjoyed reading and studying it much for fear that I would gain that mindset. However, as I have studied and read I realize that the very essence of the savior is ingrained in every word. He is present throughout the entire book! On the very night that my soul seemed wakened by His grace and love I found this verse "The law of the LORD is perfect, reviving the soul." Psalm 19:7. I was impacted by this verse and committed myself to reading everyday, not just worshipping and praying but to actually sitting down and reading the word of God. I was so surprised at what came from that. That verse from Psalms is so true! Here are more that I have found..."Your words are what sustain me. They bring me great joy and are my heart's delight, for I bear your name, O Lord God Almighty." Jeremiah 15:16 NLT, "I will write down these things as a testimony of what the Lord will do. I will entrust it to my disciples, who will pass it down to future generations." Isaiah 8:16 NLT, "For I have stayed in God's paths; I have followed his ways and not turned aside. I have not departed from his commands but have treasured his word in my heart." Job 23:11-12 NLT. As I got to thinking about what God's word had done in my life, I found an excellent parallel. When you are putting something together, wouldn't you read the instructions? Even when it seems simple don't you look at the instructions just to make sure it is done right? It's the same in life. When you lost and need direction would be better off to pull out the Bible and read it, or would you just sit there in the dark till the light comes on? If you have ever put Ikea furniture together you would understand the importance of instructions. Now, I don't know what to do about those who seem to know God's word, but it doesn't seem to seep into their heart. I don't know what to do, except to pray. Pray for those who haven't made the connection between head and heart and pray that God would bless you with ability to use that 18 inch elevator between your head and your heart. Pray that God would show you the majesty of His word and that it would fill every part of you just as He does.
Lord Jesus, your word is amazing. It contains so many promises and so many passages of guidance. It speaks of your grace and your love. It speaks of your ultimate sacrifice that no one on this earth could ever amount to deserve. Please allow it to speak to my generation. Let your words fall like drops of rain on our hearts. Give us a new understanding of your word and allow us to be fulfilled by it. Amen

p.s- this painting was painted by William Blake.

"Getting into You"

Well, I suppose it has been awhile since I have written so I thought that I would update this. My life has been so busy lately, filled with projects and studying and work. It has all been a bit crazy.
This week's song is "Getting into You " by RELIENT K











when I made up my mind
and my heart along with that
to live not for myself
but yet for God
somebody said
do you know what you are getting yourself into?

when I finally ironed out
all of my priorities
and asked God to remove the doubt
that makes me unsure of these
things I ask myself
I ask myself
do you know what you are getting yourself into?

I'm getting into You
because You got to me
in a way words can't describe
I'm getting into You
because I've got to be
You're essential to survive
I'm gonna love You with my life

when He looked at me and said
I kind of view you as a son
and for a second our eyes met
and I met that with a question
do you know what you are getting yourself into?

I'm getting into You
because You got to me
in a way words can't describe
I'm getting into You
because I've got to be
You're essential to survive
I'm gonna love You with my life

I've been a liar and I'll never amount to
the kind of person you deserve to worship You
You say You will not dwell on what I did but rather what I do
you say
I love you and that's what you are getting yourself into

I'm getting into You
because You got to me
in a way words can't describe
I'm getting into You
because I've got to be
You're essential to survive
I'm gonna love You with my life

you said
I love you and that's what you are getting yourself into

I put the lyrics first in purpose for two reasons: One, to shake things up a bit and put life on its head and second to make you read them and hear what I have to say about this song. Today I don't feel so hot. I am fighting a bad mood and I just want to lie in quiet and worship God through my inadequacies. You see, I have been killer busy with work and projects and final papers at school that I haven't figured out my priorities. My Bible for the past few days has been collecting dust and I haven't put everything at His feet. I've been running like a chicken with it's head cut off and like an addict I can't cope without my next fix. I want the world to quiet down and I just want to hide under His wings. I chose this song because it speaks about the ever pressing love that the Father bestows upon us. His love is inescapable. I'm choosing Him because words can't describe how He has captured me, He has calmed my fluttering heart and has met me in the midst of my sickly sin. My experience as a Christian, if you laid it out in pro/con point form would have more "con" points than "pro" points, but I find that I don't care. Can a fish live out of water? Or a dog under the sea? Neither can survive, just as I can not survive with out Christ. Something inside me falls apart, my soul turns blue from lack of oxygen and it starts to wither and decay. I was made in His image and it is in Him that I am meant to live. I am humbled, today especially, but His abundance of love and grace. In Church today I lost my temper at least three times (that I am willing to admit) and each time He was there to catch me and show me that His mercy heals all and His love transcends every heart and every deed. I could never amount to the kind of person that God deserves to love and I have never claimed to be one, it is by His grace that I am set free and despite my attitude, insufficiencies and efforts He chooses to call me to Him and give me life. Without Him I am nothing and apart from Him I can do nothing, He is my sustainer and my life. Whoever or whatever I have lost in pursuit of Him was not in vain because He is my fortress and my shield. I abandon all to Him and no more pay heed to this world.
Lord Jesus, I ask that your love and grace would flow unceasing on me, whoever may be reading this and the rest of this world.
Lord I lay everything before you and I come back to you. I thank you for loving through every season and I thank you that all my have lost from this world, I have gained in Your holy and precious name. Lord God you are the environment I am meant to live in and I ask that you keep me from leaving. Show me your will and continue to speak to me and show me visions that even I could not dream. As I fall down at your feet I give you all of my world and myself to you. Pick me up and put me back on my feet, keep my heart filled with your law and your love.

Satisfied

Okay, so it has been a couple of days but things have been busy. Keep your shorts on, I didn't mean to abandon you I had things to do!! My throat hurts (good thing I am typing this), I lost my voice in a spontaneous attempt to conquer a carnival yesterday. I had fun, but I screamed so hard that now it hurts and I am nursing an upset stomach from the spinning monkey ride!!
Anyways...God has been so good. I haven't had much strength to do much but just sit with him because of the death of my friend, but He has been there in my silence and confusion and has given me hope and joy. My prayer is to be filled everyday with His joy and God is so faithful that I am confident that I will never be joyless again. He has given me so much hope that although I cry, I feel Him holding me and showing me that everything is alright.
God completely satisfies every inch of my soul. I am so satisfied by Him and His love that I no longer want for anything. (I mean there are things that I want, but they are worldly things and they no longer control my life as they once did.) I was talking with a friend about relationships and marriage and I was blown away with what God showed from that conversation. Although I joke about the boys I am going to marry, it no longer holds any value to me. I have no desire to look for a relationship and make one work. I'm sure that there is someone out there for me, but I have given up looking and searching because I have the love of God. I am His princess and He is everything I need. My favorite quote is from Mother Teresa she said, "You never know that Jesus is all you need, until Jesus is all you've got." How true that is. At one point in my life I had it all, I had a boyfriend, tons of friends, a great paying job and I was on my way to owning a car and having a license. I was on my way to total destruction too. Even though I had everything I wanted I had lost my connection with Jesus, I had put Him on the back burner. My days had become full of nothing but lip service to the Creator and I didn't even know it. One day my world crumbled, I lost my boyfriend, friends and my job. I had nothing, or so it seemed. But after many months of heartache and emptiness, now I walk with Jesus because He is truly all I need and through Him I have received the greatest life. Before now my mind was always full of the boy that I was crushing on and hopes of someday meeting "the one", but now I'm not centered on what could be. I'm centered on what is, and what is is the never failing love of God and the wholeness he brings me. I truly never thought that I would reach this place, oh how I will never doubt the possibilities of God again. He is the greatest gift I have received and nothing will take me away from Him.

This weeks song is "Lost in You" by drentch.


I need you like the
Desert needs the rain
I reach for you like a child wanting
To be wrapped in a fathers arms


I want to get lost in you
I'm on my knees praying to be close to you
Take me away Jesus I pray
I want to be where you are


I seek your face like the
Broken desperate for a meeting
I pray for peace like the nations
torn by war and earthy things


To your altar I come placing
my all before my first love
I cannot stand and not be moved
by the love that has found me

Colin Vint

Today was a hard day, I found out that my favorite teacher passed away. I don't even know what to say. He was such a dear man. I will always remember the support he gave me and how he made my years at senior high school fun. I will always look to him as a pillar of love and genuinelaughter. He taught me how to play and that it is okay to be myself. He was there for me when no other teachers were. We have all lost a jovial and wonderfully caring man.
It is so fitting too. Today I was reading and the chapter that I was reading was about loss and having hope. The chapter talked about the hope that could be mine if I followed Christ, and how I wouldn't have to mourn with hopelessness again. I told God that I was ready, ready to stand firm in his hope and that he could test me. Well, I think he has answered that request. Although I am deeply saddened and shaken by this loss, my heart is stayed with the hope of Christ. I pray for Mr. Vint's family, and for all of those affected by this tragic loss.
Lord God, I lift my sorrow to you. I ask that you would comfort me and those who are mourning. I pray that you would send a blanket of hope to cover the North Delta community. I thank you for the man that Mr.Vint was, and thank you for all the memories that are shared. I pray that we would learn that life is short, but that you are always at work within us. Lord Jesus, I just give you all the emotions and all of the people who are on their knees in bewilderment tonight, hold them and speak words of comfort into all of their hearts. You are a great and wonderful God, I have faith that you will provide. Amen.

I will miss you MV, we all will. Thank you for all the memories. Rest In Peace, dear friend.

~Good night sweet prince, may flights of angels sing thee to thy rest~

Darkness

Well, lets see. Not much has happened since my last post. I watched TV, ate dinner (I made it- It was sooo good!! There is some left over in the fridge so if you want to come over it can be yours!!), spent some time with God and slept. Right now I am neglecting my Fashion Design homework and my Art History reading...I will get around to them today or tomorrow. I was reading in my book last night and for some reason I can't remember the Psalm but the concept was about darknesss. The author was writing about how darkness is isolating but we are never alone in the dark-there is always someone else there. The author wrote about how watching the Babylionians destory the Temple would have plunged Isreal into utter darkness. Much like how watching our world collapse and watching friends, lovers and dreams abandon you is enough to make any of us doubt (in some capacity anyway) the majesty and love of a God we had been trying to follow. The author wrote about even though these traumatic events destroyed Isreal (and whatever you have been through, may have destroyed you as well), some of the greatest Psalms were penned. I think that you can do likewise, I do remember my days in the desert and I remember not even having the energy to even whisper my pain to God, but I remember just a flickering of hope when I tried to whisper. That is all God wants, whatever you can give Him. It doesn't matter if it tears, screams or whispers and one day when you are looking down at the desert you have just left you can see the places where God nudged you and slowly you moved to meet Him on the hilltop.

Welcome...

Well, welcome to my blog!! I'm not too sure what I will be putting up here, seeing as I'm not off on some crazy, amazonian, life on the edge adventure....There will probably just be comments about my life, about the little adventures that I have day to day.
Okay to start off, lets find something fun to talk about.
Well..hmmmmm...God has been so good to me lately (he has been good to me from the beginning), but lately He's been really close. It's like if I close my eyes and just reach out He is right there. I've wanted to get out of bed and just jump into His word. I remember Him feeling so far away and being so lost and desperate. I remember crying all night after everyone had gone to bed and turning to things that harmed my body while I tried to find so fix that would help me out of this mess. Then I remember the feeling of coming out of a coma one night as I sat in the big chair in the TV room listening to God telling me that He loved me and wanted to restore me and breathe life in my heart. I remember being overwhelmed by Him and Him filling my senses. I remember going up to my room after that and dancing with God and not being distracted by boys or by sin or by life. Now all is know is His joy and that His hand is on me. I am no longer annoyed by the Church or "christian" music and by praying. I love to be in His presence, I take Him everywhere. I know what it is to laugh and be joyful. I know what it is to sing His praises at the top of my lungs and all of it is because He has restored me!! He truly has.

The song of the week is Facedown by Matt Redman!!
This song is amazing...please read and think about the lyrics..

Welcomed in to the courts of the King
I've been ushered in to Your presence
Lord, I stand on Your merciful ground
Yet with every step tread with reverence

And I'll fall facedown
As Your glory shines around
Yes, I'll fall facedown
As Your glory shines around

Who is there in the heavens like You?
And upon the earth, who's Your equal?
You are far above, You're the highest of heights
We are bowing down to exalt You

So let Your glory shine around
Let Your glory shine around
King of glory, here be found
King of glory


Well, I think that is all for now...please check regularly for updates!!